For The Ladies

Today, one of the world's females had a moment of clarity, and realized women are "trouble". Here is the full quote, courtesy of MSNBC: 'Don’t expect Shakira to become a spokeswoman for NOW. The half-Latin, half Arabic singer has some rather antediluvian views about gender. “Women are all the same. We’re just trouble,” she tells the July issue of Blender magazine. “I think it’s punishment from God to have put men and women on the same planet. Only for having stolen a simple apple, we received the punishment. Women are full of buttons, little buttons, millions of buttons. And men have just the on and off switch. Men need only food and you-know-what. We need so much more. We’re like what do you call them? Barrels without bottoms. There’s no way to satisfy women. Ever.” Amen. From barfing up perfectly good food, to buying oh- so- cute- but- never -comfortable- much- less- functional footwear in bulk, to obsessing about the size of your ass to the loaded questions you love asking even though you know the answer will never be right, I say AMEN to Shakira. Finally a woman has come out of the estrogen induced haze of insanity and seen the light, if only for a moment. I am sure she will succumb to the overwhelming flow of hormonal overload and become a veritable "bitch on wheels". Of course I know not all women fall into the insane bipolar OCD self-loathing catty bitch category, but majority rules and those in the minority are not only hard to find, they are even harder to get to come out of hiding as they fear being ostracized by their gender. I can't blame them. Well, yeah I can. So far, I have not yet found even one woman that has not freaked out over something stupid at least once. Anything from a sock that didn't make it into a hamper, to "they put pickles on my burger and it's all your fault" to being too early or too late or on time or for not having a mirror handy (because we all know guys love wearing makeup) to not talking enough. The list goes on endlessly, and my balls can't take listing everything I or another male has been blamed for or begrudged against by a female. Face it, women are crazy. The kicker is when they are pregnant, and they get 8, count em' 8 extra hormones wreaking havoc on their mind. Now they REALLY freak out over everything. They cry for no reason, obsess over the giant round belly protruding from under their swollen leaky boobs, and they lose all control over their body and to help cope, they attack/berate men. Usually the closest one they can find. Now I know I will end up with some hate mail for this, because it will be viewed as sexist or hateful or insensitive, but deep down- YOU KNOW I AM RIGHT! My vindication is the fact I will get hate mail, so if ya want to show your displeasure, don't write in. A wise man who had been married many years told me, "You can be right, or you can be happy, but not both." AMEN.